I Want My Normal Life Back

One becomes bored really fast when recovering from an injury. My feeling is that I’m ultra bored because I had to take the first week off work and I’ve now crawled at a glacial pace through my Spring Break.

I was overly excited about attending the Merco Cycling Classic in Merced the first weekend of the month. I was unable to contain myself as I drove into work on March 3 and passed two teams driving south and countless cars with beautiful bikes on racks. Unfortunately, my bad decision to not get off the bike and walk down that damn hill in San Francisco on Friday night ended my hopes of attending the race to cheer on Burke Swindlehurst in his first race as Bissell’s assistant director. (Seriously, I even wanted to chalk up the road for him. Burke, be prepared for the Tour of California, but I know you can’t read the road while driving so I’ll send you photos of my handy chalk work.)  My disappointment in missing the race is amplified by the fact that Bissell did very well and I missed one of my favorite domestic pros, Ben Jacques-Maynes, take the win.

March is when racing in Northern California gets into full swing. Sure, the Snelling Road Race (link is to my photos from this year's event) is a very well attended event in February, but Merco is when the fun really begins and top domestic riders attend. Nearly every weekend there are races. I held out hope that this weekend I’d feel up to driving east to Sonora to catch the Ward’s Ferry Road Race, which I’ve never been to before, but poor weather this last week and in particular on Friday put a swift and painful end to that hope. The race ended up being canceled due to snow on the course. Yes, I said snow. Can you imagine?

There is still hope that I’ll feel up to attending Warnerville tomorrow. We’ll see how the weather holds out and if I know anybody racing.

On top of the disappointment of not being able to photograph races I was looking forward to, I’ve found myself absolutely itching to ride and missing the bike. That’s another thing I’d planned to do a lot of over my break. Although weather most likely would have prevented me from riding much, being stuck inside has prevented me from seeing how yucky the weather actually is. At least when I know it’s raining because I have to be out in it, I come to terms with the fact that I can’t ride.

This is different though. It’s like telling a teenager that it’s absolutely forbidden they drink. It often only makes them want to do it more. Being told that it’s absolutely forbidden that I ride only makes me want to do it more. I can’t even use the excuse that I don’t have a bike because I have two mountain bikes staring at me right now. Mocking me. Pleased in the fact that they don’t have to face flat tires because I can’t ride them no matter how much I want to.

Ironically, one of the funniest pieces of advice I’ve gotten after my accident was from Garmin-Cervélo’s Jonathan Vaughters. He told me to drink. So there you have it, I’m encouraged to drink and forbidden to ride. Quite the opposite of my preference, really.

Not much to update on my condition except that my head wound isn’t quite healing properly due to a lost staple and therefore it still hurts. I got in to see a neurologist after taking twenty minutes to convince my primary care physician that I needed to see one. The neurologist was useful in helping me to understand what’s going with my brain because of the injury. Although, he wasn’t convinced that there was ever any bleeding on my brain despite the fact that the Chief of Neurology and his team of a babillion doctors in San Francisco said there was. Regardless, the questionable areas didn’t show up on my most recent CT scan so I’m more than thrilled with that news.

Physical therapy started yesterday. He didn’t seem helpful, but he gave me some exercises to do in order to retrain my brain to handle different positions. My favorite part was when he made me turn my head to the left and lay on my back. I very nearly fell off the table due to the intense vertigo, and after sitting up, I almost threw up on him. Certainly, I wouldn’t have been the first. I’m supposed to continue the torture at home for the next couple of weeks and return for a follow up.

Up next? Since I can’t ride my bike, I might as well listen to a person who does ride a bike (and a fellow traumatic brain injury survivor) tell stories about people who are living the dream. Former pro, Scott Nydam of BMC (still works for the team) is giving a presentation about his time last fall working with Team Rwanda. As a photographer and cycling nut, I’m looking forward to seeing his photography and hearing his tales while at the same time supporting a team with such amazing and inspiring stories.

In the meantime, I've joined Raisin Hope Foundation in order to connect with others who have more experience in regards to what I should except as I recover.  Granted my injuries aren't nearly as traumatic as most of theirs because I was very lucky, but it still helps to have people tell me that what I'm going through is to be expected.  There is so much about the recovery process that doctors just don't tell you and I've felt lost in knowing what's "normal" and what I should be worried about.  I just want to get back to my own normal routine and it helps to have people to lean on for support (sometimes literally because I have a nasty case of vertigo).

I've also started shopping online for new bikes.  I'm not optimistic about the condition of my Trek 1.5 and I'm using this as a time for a possible upgrade (it'll cost me almost as much as it's worth to fix it if it can be fixed).  I'm currently eyeing the Cervélo RS, Pinarello FPQuattro or more realistically the Pinarello FP3.  I'm also planning on checking out Orbea and Specialized.  Sorry, Sean, BMC is way out of my price range unless I win the lottery.  If anybody has any input, please let me know.